Torn Canvas

Eros grinned as it seemed that Lucia liked the gift he had gotten her. Finding her arms moving about him, the kiss to his cheek, did cause him to blush a bit. Lucia was showing more and more of her good sides..and well having fun with her on the beach was pretty nice too. None the less, as the young woman spoke of their soon to be entourage at night, a smirk grew upon his visage. "Hmhm, alright, I just may have to do that." Eros smirked, wondering how that night was going to play out. He was going to have one hell of a night spending half of it with Sani, and the other half with Lucia. A stray thought came to him of enjoying the night with both of them at the same time...but he knew that was impossible! Typical man and his fantasies! None the less, Eros waited for Lucia to release him as he smelled the curry that was being made. "You two sure make my decision harder and harder everday." Eros admitted with a soft laugh. It was true though, he was starting to fall for both of them.

The woman released the other and went into the restroom to look in the mirror while she put on her new ncklace and admired it on herself,..as it would seem to the woman that things were working out her way afterall and even though Sani and Eros spent time together, she seemed to have more of a connection with Eros in the end, whether that was true or not, Eros was the one that would be the deicder of that.

The food was done in no time and Sani took to bringing out the food and quickly set the table, calling both Eros and Lucia to the table. Lucia made her appearance after a few moments as she was very excited over the gift Eros had given her and couldn't help but play with it a bit. She didn't do it to make Sani jealous or anything,..well okay maybe a little, but she was more excited on the fact that it had come from Eros and that it was jewerly because what girl doesn't love jewerly?

She sat at the table as Sani went to serve everyone at the table.

Eros sat down in his usual spot, smirking as he saw Lucia entering with her necklace, seeming to enjoy it quite a bit. He was relieved at this as he wasn't sure what to get with her not being around. Sani was simple since he was having Sani run around and gather whatever clothes he wanted. Eros had felt that he had given them both awesome items~ "Thanks Sani, I was starting to get pretty hungry there." Eros was over it, over what had happened. He was glad to know Sani's secret now...So the only thing he had to worry about was his own being revealed. Though Lucia already knew, which made hanging out with her easy. However, he had so much work to do with Sani. Once the meal was done, it was time to indeed head on out to one of the forested areas.

Sani sat down and looked to Eros when he mentioned how he was starting to get hungry. 'You know, you could always go and make something in there too you know.' he replied, meaning that Eros had no room to complain that Sani could always just stop cooking altogether and he and Lucia would be lef tot fend for themselves, and Eros would have to resume cooking since well,..poor Lucia couldn't boil an egg.

Sani was a bit tense over what had happened at the mall, sure Eros seemed to act like nothing had happened, but it had and Sani wasn't sure what Eros was thinking in his head. Did he really accept his decision on becoming a male to hide form his brother? and what if Reece found him again? he didn't know what would happen then, he didn't want Eros to worry about that and Sani didn't want to have to worry about his brother showing up again..there was no telling what would happened, how he hoped Sandie wouldn't say anything to his family about her finding him that day.

After the meal was finished, Sani got up and asked Lucia to clear the table while he got ready. Lucia nodded, having no problem with the request for she was trying hard to become more housewife-like for Eros if he was ever going to pick her over Sani. Sani went to his room to gather a few props they could use for the new shoot and the boy packed a few outfits Eros bought him to use for the shoot as well. When the lad was ready, he went into the living room to wait for the other.

Eros smirked at the words. "You could always pay me for taking pictures of you for your modeling career too." He pointed out in a "ladida" type of way. Though as it came down to the meal being finished, Eros helped Lucia with clearing the table, or attempted to, but like last time, was practiaclly shoed away. Eros laughed and moved out of the room and decided to wait for Sani. Once Sani came down, Eros smirked as he studied the beautiful creature. One thing was for certain, Eros did find everything making more sense now. Sani was always feminine in a way and he just figured that had to do with Sani being gay...But now that it was revealed that Sani was actually born a girl, everything just made sense. However...was he really all that fine with the situation? Sure he was probably fine with Sani's decision...but in the back of his head, Reece was there.

Reece was the one that had harmed his sister in a way to make her actually go through such lengths as to change into a male and run away. And it did actually surprise him that Sani wanted to....take him that one night. Normally females were on the recieving end...So for her to actually want to enter Eros that night, what a strange female he had come to know. On the way over to the forested area, the two now in the car once they had told Lucia their "see ya laters," Eros couldn't help but ask. "When...you um....showed me what it was like to be a man...You actually did that quite well..." Eros admitted with a blush. "What..made you want to do that?" Eros couldn't help but ask as he was checking the gps carefully to ensure he was on the right path to the forested area he had chosen for their shoot.

It wasn't long until the two were in the car and on their way to the shoot area Eros had chosen. Things were fine until Eros opened his big mouth to talk about the time that they had switched roles and Eros asked him why..that is, after complimenting him on how well his technique was developed. The boy turned to look out the window, his elbow on the door's hand rest, covering his visage with his hand. a dark blush taking to his face. 'I was hoping you wouldn't bring that up.' he admitted. '*Sigh* i guess I just wanted to see what it was like, you're the first person I've been with since my operation, and I figured since I have one now..might as well see what I can do with it....besides, that was only to take your mind off of things,..it was like a one-time thing.' Sani couldn't look at the other, now that he knew his secret, he began to ask him questions like that and knew that he would only think of others to ask as the pieces of the puzzle began to fix together more and more precisely. He wasn't really upset about this, he simply wasn't expecting to come up with answers to the man's questions.

"Curious? Hmhm..." Eros relaxed a bit as he gained such an answer. Sani was cute. "You're really cute Sani." Eros admitted as he continued to drive. "I hope I'm not upsetting you with my questions...It's just that....I never would have thought that I'd get boned by a girl." Eros smirked, being as crude as ever. But Eros was always eccentric in his own way. Though after awhile, he found himself silent, thinking upon the fact that Lucia knew his secret...but not Sani. He didn't think he was ready for Sani to know it...wanting to see if the young man was the right one for him first...But he wasn't necessarily certain with Lucia either and well....maybe letting Sani know would show him if it was worth even continuing with Sani or not.

Eros, however, was scared at this. What if Sani suddenly ran away from him? After all, Sani's brother was violent to him, what if Sani thought Eros would soon be bothered by him. Eros began to pull the vehicle over, his hands trembling as he decided...If he didn't say anything, and waited any longer...things could be worse. "Sani....I...I have to tell you something. Something that may make you change your mind about me. L...Lucia found out...She seems...to accept it...So...for me to keep it away from you any longer...I...I don't think it'd be fair." Eros began, turning his gaze hesitantly towards Sani, only to begin. "I killed the girl I was in love with a year ago."

Sani scoffed. 'you're such...a guy.' the boy replied to his first remark and thought nothing else of it and the two rode in simence for a while. The boy was really enjoying the scenery, and they continued on. it wasn't until a little while that Eros suddenly pulled off the side of the road. Sani looked over to him as he was sure this wasn't where they were going to be shooting. He turned to see Eros trembling a little, and this worried him a bit. 'Eros? what's wrong?' he asked as then the male began to speak.

Sani had to admit that he was a bit frightened to find out what it was that the other was trying to tell him, but also in a sense relieved that Lucia had known and that Eros felt okay enough to tell him as well at this point, though he still wasn't sure that the boy was ramping up to. and Suddenly Eros told the youth that he had killed someone he was in love with a year ago.

He was shocked. 'What do you mean? how? why would you do something like that? why are you telling me this now?' the boy began to ramble off questions like spitfire, for this was a little more than alarming to him. the boy began to think within his mind that what if Eros turned out to be just like his brother in the end, and he wouldn't never escape that cycle he was desperate to break free from.

Hands tightened on the steering wheel as Sani began to react in a way he was figuring would happen. Hues shifted away, Eros finding a shuttered breath leaving him. "I...stabbed her." Eros whispered, trembling a bit. "I came home...and saw a man's pair of pants in our laundry basket. I've been cheated on before, but those women I never truly fell for so just let them go. This one...I was so happy to be with. She was everything to me. So when I saw that pair of pants...I...My heart cracked strongly. I snapped and yelled at her, just became a totally different person. Before I realized what I was doing, I had thrown her to the ground in the kitchen which was near the laundry room...and began stabbing her with one of the kitchen knives. Once I was done, I couldn't believe my eyes at what I had done...and then..." Eros found tears coming to his eyes as he was saying something he was not expecting to tell anyone.

Unlike Lucia, Sani was getting the entire story. "I saw a wallet on the kitchen counter...She must have pulled it from the pair of pants and had left it there to ensure she gave it back to the man who had left it in his pants...I opened it to find her brother's ID in it...Come to find out, he had ripped up his pants and she said she'd clean and sew them up. I didn't know...I...I reacted in such a violent way...I killed her...and she never....she never even cheated on me. When I saw that ID, I instantly pieced it all together..but it was too late...I lost it...I was even placed in a mental ward in between court dates.....Sani...I...I'm afraid....I may do it again."

Sani was shocked to hear such a story and through it all, his heart still went out to Eros,..it was an accident, Sani could see that,..and could tell why..'Well that was...extreme,..but..it was an accident..kind of..gotta admit,..you jumped the gun on that one. please don't cry.' the boy added int softly as he reached over to dry the boy's eyes. 'It wasn't all your fault,..I can see that plain as day.' the boy spoke softly as he placed a hand over the others on the steering wheel, taking hold of it, prying away the grip he had on the wheel and taking his other hand to his and kissed it gently. 'I accept you Eros..just as you have me..let me help you through this okay? because I really want to help the one that...I love..' the boy said in a low tone as he went to kiss the man's hand he had in his once more.

Eros knew it, he knew he had jumped the gun. Sani didn't have to say that for him to know. It pained him so many times in his life ever since that day. His entire system had shut down because of it and thus was why he needed the medicatoin, to keep himself from staying in check rather than to lose it again. He couldn't stop the tears when the other told him to not cry. As he felt the touch to his face, his tears being dried away, the touch to his hand upon the steering wheel, Eros froze, not expecting such gentle touches.

"S...Sani..." As his hand was gently pried away, Sani kissing it gently, Eros found more tears falling as Sani began to explain that he accepted Eros, that he wanted to help him, that he wanted to help the one he loved. Sani had said it, that he accepted Eros...and that he loved him. "Sani...thank you..." Eros whispered before gently pushing over and claiming the other's lips, his other hand moving from the steering wheel as he pulled the other closer to him, trembling as he did so. Breaking the kiss, he rested his forehead on the other's own. "Do you....really love me?" Eros breathed out, blushing a little at such words.

Sani felt for the other, and wasn't afraid that Eros would ever do anything like that to him. He leaned in closer as the youth claimed his lips, feeling the other tremble as he did so, the boy tried to calm the man. He kissed the man back passionately, attempting to calm the man from his shaking. when the kiss broke, he felt the man rest his forehead on his and posed the question, if he really did love Eros. the boy stopped for a moment.. 'Yeah...I think I do. I've been thinking about my feelings for you for a while now. And each day my feelings grow for you everyday. I don't want to be with anyone else,..I like to think that we both enjoy our time together, ..whether we're working together or being intimate with one another every night. I want to be with you Eros...yes,..I do love you. You don't have to say it back, I understand if you're not ready to say it back, or if you don't want to because you don't feel the same way,..but I feel like we're so much closer now.' he said as he played with strands of the other's hair as he spoke.

He said it...he loves me. To hear those words, they make me happy. But what about Lucia? The way I feel about Sani...my feelings for him have just gotten even stronger. Sani revealed his secret, and I have now given him mine. He accepts me. That...that makes me so happy. He wants to help me, me of all people. Sani...I...I can't continue this. I can't continue to try to figure out between you and Lucia...For you to give me those words....I need to ask Lucia first. I need to ask her what her feelings are for me. I'll ask her tonight when she comes. If...if she loves me too, I don't know what to do.

Eros wasn't sure he could go through with seeing her that night if he was realizing that he was falling for Sani. His feelings were already growing very strong for Sani. Eros decided to be honest. "Tonight....Lucia wanted to see me too..." Eros began, his gaze shifting away. "I told her that she could later in the night, meaning after you...But, I think I'm going to ask her...I need to ask her what she feels for me. Honestly...right now, you've made me....so very happy Sani. I think...I'm in love with you too...I don't want to lead Lucia on further if that's the case. I need to talk to her first...before we all head off to bed that night. If she still does not know her feelings for me...I'm going to have to end it for her. Sani...I...I don't want to break anyone's heart." Eros admitted, having a hard time with this now that he thought of it. At first it seemed fun, but now he knew someone was going to get hurt.

The boy listened to the other as he spoke saying how he had feelingd for him as well and that made the boy smile, but then there was what was to come, that Eros was explaining that he was planning to see Lucia that night, and Sani put two and two together that they were planning to meet up to sleep together,..shortly after Eros had enjoyed being with him. ...typical man. Sani didn't like that...at all,..he felt better thinking that he was the only one sleeping with him.

Sani looked to the other, 'and what will do you do if Lucia says she loves you too? what will you do then? who will you choose....one of us will be hurt, no matter who you choose.' The youth brought up. He was afraid of the answer. not only that, but he wondered who the man would choose,..to be with a woman,...or a man that used to be a woman,..did that matter to him? Sure Eros had been with women before but Sani was his first male encounter, was it enough?

Eros winced at the response he gained. "I don't...really know. Though...I think if she says she loves me...I'm...going to have to tell you both to not come to my room tonight. At first...I thought it'd be alright...to have you both, but the more I get involved, the more I'm realizing that what I'm doing...it's not fair at all to either one of you. I know one of you will be hurt...and I hate that." Eros whispered, slumping back in the seat of the car. Did Lucia being a woman and Sani being a male, now, be the deciding factor? In all honesty, that wasn't even on Eros' mind. He was afraid that he may choose the wrong person and think that he would be happy with the one he chose...and then find himself missing the other. "Though I won't lie Sani...My feelings for you are growing more and more. Even though...you are a male now...I...I just can't see myself not pursuing you. There's still something about you Sani...Something that keeps me wanting more. Lucia keeps showing me a side that I do like...demo, I don't know if she's the one, nor am I certain that you are. I just know that...you both have made it very difficult for me." Eros was perplexed.

"I know it will be a difficult decision for you,..if she says she loves you too. and I'm not sure if..." the boy stopped there. 'I dont' want to make this any harder than it needs to be, and if you don't want me tonight, I guess I understand,..and I guess I'll just have to restrain myself from wanting you myself..I look forward to our late nights together,..then again i guess so does Lucia..' he trailed off a little at that last part. 'We should get going,..we're losing daylight.' he said, changing the subject.

Although it was Eros' decision in the end, of course he wanted to him to choose him over the woman, but he also thought about this through Eros' point of view and couldn't see it being and easy task at all and didn't expect a quick answer,..although he was anxious to know as soon as Eros knew,..or thought he knew.

Eros did blush to hear that Sani felt like he needed to restrain himself if Eros decided to not have him over that night within his room. To hear how much Sani looked forward to those nights was such a nice thing to hear. It meant that Sani really did enjoy his time together with him. As the subject was changed, Eros was kind of glad for it. "Right." Pulling back onto the road, Eros soon got to their destinatoin, pulling free his camera and the luggage of clothing. Soon enough, Sani was posing and Eros was finding himself back to better spirits. It seemed that Sani was indeed sincere when it came to accepting him despite what he had done. Eros became more comfortable with Sani at that moment. It was like a giant weight was lifted off of him...so now he knew what he had to do. He would tell Lucia the entire story and then see how she reacted. Then he would see if she loved him. If she did not...he felt he was going to have to let her go. His heart was already beating strongly for Sani.

It was now night-time, Eros having gained plenty of good shots with his camera and couldn't wait to develop them. They had gotten good time in and things were seeming to run smoothly...But now they were home, Eros deciding that while Sani was cooking dinner, which was usually what happened, he would speak to Lucia outside within the patio area. He began to tell her what he had told Sani, this time a bit more easily than he did with Sani. After all, it was all new to Sani. Lucia herself had known the major shocker of the situation so now he was just filling in the rest. Once he was done, he fell silent and waited to see what Lucia's reaction would be.

Lucia was silent at first,..unsure what to say. Finally she did speak. 'That's...quite a story..one I must admit,..I didn't expect from you, though I'm glad you told me..I thought it had been something like a hit and run kind of thing,..but this is a bit more...uhh..intimate. you did it because you loved her...but I don't understand,..why are you deciding to tell me this now?' the woman asked as she began to play with the necklace the man had given her, she looked down at it. 'Is that it? have you decided then..that you do want to be with me,..that you are willing to give us a chance? regardless the fact that mother paired us?' the girl smiled as she thought she had figured it out. 'That's why you got me the necklace,..and because you decided to tell me your secret on you own..oh Eros,..i promise to make you so happy, happier than anyone ever could.' Lucia was jumping the gun a bit for Eros hadn't said anything of the sort of what the woman thought all this meant.

She liked the idea she had in her head,..that she had actually won over Sani and that all of her and her families troubles would soon be over.

Eros winced as the woman seemed to be so understanding, but was jumping the gun. He gently held out his hands to try to calm her down. "No...It's...No I haven't decided yet...If anything, it's gotten more complicated" Eros softly whispered, shifting his gaze away. "Lucia...What do you really feel about me? I won't lie...I told Sani everything as well. I've decided if I choose either one of you, you both have the right to know what I've done and...what may happen again if....if my medicine doesn't work. I don't trust myself. In fact, I downright scare myself. If...if this changes your mind about me in any way, I need to know. What are your feelings for me at this point? I need to know Lucia...I...I need to know the truth from you as well. I don't want to choose the wrong one for me." Eros was honest with this, and he wanted both Lucia and Sani to be honest with him. Sani was honest with him...now it was time for Lucia to be honest with him.

Lucia seemed to frown a bit as she had gotten her hopes up a little too high and got the wrong impression. She listened to the male as he tried to explain everything again as to why he said and did what he did and how he would have to choose one of them and wanted to know her true feelings fdr him. Lucia understood alright,.she understood that this was quite possibly her last chance at this, but Eros asked her to be honest with him,..that was the hard part,..she liked the man a lot and had everyhing going for her as it would seem,..but it would be a lie if she told him that she loved him as much as Sani was sure he did. 'I have deep feelings for you,..and I think they grow more and more each day,..some day I'll be able to say that I love you,..but that's not something I take lightly and I don't think that i can tell you that right now,..if Sani can,..choose her..but you'll be making a mistake, because it sounds like if she put you up to this,..you know,..asking me how you feel about me,.. it sounds like she feels under pressure,..you don't want to rush into this,..do you? Take it slow and you and I will see where it takes us, how about that hm?' Lucia was being honest...but she needed more time and if Eros was going to make his decision soon, she was going to have to take measures of slowing the process to do waht she could to ensure that she won Eros' heart.

Eros frowned at the response and shook his head. "No, she did not put me up to this. I'm putting myself up to this. She..." Eros couldn't say it...afraid that if he did, Lucia might then say that she loved him but would not be true to her heart just because he revealed that Sani had already said it. Though he could tell that she was being honest with him. "I think....I'm not going to be able to see you tonight Lucia." Eros soon answered, his expression distant. "I won't lie...and you must already expect it...But I've been sleeping with Sani...and I've slept with you...The more I think about it, the more I realize how unfair all of this is for the both of you. I...I can't make love to either one of you right now until I...I know for certain who it is I want. Until then...I'm...just going to have to deal without any nookie." Eros tried to make light of it as he gave a gentle smile, only to shift his gaze away. He didn't know what else to say...but he knew that he couldn't do this to them any longer...sneaking rendevous with each woman.

'Eros,..I can't tell you what you want to hear. i'm not goign to lie to you and tell you this is going to be easy for you to choose,..and I'm not going to tell you to pick me,..or to pick Sani, ..I want you to be happy,..and if you think you and I can be happy together like I think we can and could be...then i'm here for thoe taking,..and if you want to go down the road you are with your current girlfriend,..then fine,..have it your way,..but think of it this way, how can you bear to live with yourself knowing you've cheated on her with me? you've already done it, its on you now. I have no ties in this because i'm here to show you what you're missing by being with her. I'm not going to lie and say i didn't enjoy our naughty time together when we all went to the beach, but if you loved Sani,..you wouldn't have been with me. you may think you do,..but surely you know what it's like to be cheated on,..it's unbarable,..isn't it? Why purposely let her go through that like you have?' Lucia was really just grasping for straws at this point trying every trick int he book to make him choose her,..but there was one think she would decieve him on,..was whether she loved him or not.

Eros found himself tensing up at the second half of what Lucia was saying to him. He found himself realizing what he had done...was the one thing he had not wanted his wife to do. He had cheated on Sani hadn't he? It had not crossed his mind for the fact that Sani was telling him to give Lucia a chance...So he had not thought of such things in the light that was now being brought to light before him now. Such words caused Eros to suddenly shut down at that moment, his gaze shifting downward. He had been so screwed up so when he left to take to his photography, he decided to just have his fun with the models, no love being shared with him as they were just trying to climb up the corporate ladder. He didn't want love so he just took to their advances...but found himself changing for Sani. But with Lucia entering his life, he had not seen the fact that he had indeed cheated on Sani by making love to Lucia on the beach. He had become what he hated most...a cheater. He had cheated on Sani....Sani didn't deserve to have someone like him.

Lucia saw that her words to Eros where pulling some heart strings as she watched the youth practically deteriorate in his chair with shame, she looked down on him, a quick smile found her face and she got rid of it so the other wouldn't see,..but she loved how this looked in her favor and how she was only a few steps away from having Eros for herself. 'So what do you plan to do now Eros-dear...you can't lie and keep that away form her forever,..she's going to find out eventually. I don't think she knows what happened at the beach,..and i doubt she would ever find out on her own,..but I still think that you should tell her,..you know,..the longer you wait,..the harder it gets.' Lucia leaned over hin her chair to attempt to comfort the man by rubbing his back, still trying to play the part of Miss Innocent. She would soon find if her plan worked, or if she would need to step up a bit more to ensure stability in her financial future.

Eros trembled as he heard Lucia's voice. What was he going to do? He had to tell Sani..."I...I need to tell her." Eros whispered, agreeing with Lucia. Sani needs to know. I don't...want him finding out on his own. I want to be honest to him. Though...this may make him hate me. But if that's what it takes to be honest with him, then so be it. Sani hs the right to know. I've become what I feared the most. He has the right to know....

A shuttered note left Eros as he felt the touch to his back, Lucia trying to comfort him. He did not know of the smirk she had. Eros did not realize what kind of strings Lucia was pulling over him at that moment. "I.....I have to tell her." He repeated, pushing himself up. He had a disturbed look in his eyes as he turned towards the kitchen. Should he wait till after dinner? No...The more he thought about it, the worse he felt. "Nng..." Eros winced as he grasped at his head, only to quickly push to his pocket and take to his pills, excusing himself so he could go into the kitchen to get a glass of water. Sani was there..he...he had to tell her. "Sani..." Eros breathed out as he pushed into the kitchen, a bothered look on his face as he focused on the young "woman."